We all seek to connect with one another. Some we see as attention seekers, greedily consuming all before us… some we see as shy… and others choose to rebel! All seek to connect whether that’s a like rebel, or a quiet friend.
Somebody who says, I like you… and somebody who understands a part of you.
I have friends by occupation, the most common bond we have is that of struggle and cynicism against the might of the ivory towers… Not quite Lord of the Rings, but the gossip would have you believing it.
I have friends by interest, whether that be kinky friends whose common interest is so far outside the normal realm we form a tribe of our own1.
1: To be clear, not a well-defined cultural scene but more a bunch of individuals whose lives overlap in some way
Sometimes we even make friends out of common enemies.
…but sometimes we can feel without that tribe, and it inflicts a real pain. Not a mental recognition of “I’d rather not”, but real pain. As real as a pin the ass. I could throw some research at you, but the screen acts as a safety shield - bummer.
That pain though, your brain literally deals with physical and social pain through the exact same pathways.
…and then there’s that whole branch of your brain that deals with group psychology. There we find your brain deals with your ideas about your “self” and your “group” through the exact same pathways.
So we are a social animal, who feels pain when isolated… but celebrates the individual.
…and we are individuals, who are as much a part of the group as we are our-selves.
Why the fuck are we so blind as a species? Or at least, as a culture.
There’s a truth I’m avoiding coming to… and that truth I struggle to find expression in words.
But when you’re speaking with someone, troubled and toiling with some issue, and they put the perfect words to what you’re feeling… that’s the connection we’re here for.
When you’re feeling good about someone, and you share a moment as time evaporates around you… that’s the connection we’re looking for.
It turns out we’re all lost and looking for our tribe. I have had many tribes, but rarely I find a tribe with that connection so deep I sleep with a smile… maybe more a grimace as my face mashes into the pillow, but a cute smiling grimace.
Rarely I find a tribe that leaves me with that sweet afterglow of a person who gets me, a part of me I hold dear.
I especially love my weirest friends… the ones who are converting the vanillas… the ones who bring adventure into the day… the ones who are comfortable in their own skin.
I think we could all do with a little more of that.