Whenever I’ve tried to change a behaviour, I always chose to develop systems, rules and pushing my agenda as a default. I was a Bulldozer.
Recently I’ve had a different experience where instead of a backdrop of anything happens and I’m fighting in the moment, I’m instead having a feeling of this thing I want already exists, and I’m merely on a journey to bring out what’s already there.
It changes the game from this is something I’m pushing for, and transforms it into something I simply let happen with the odd course correction.
It takes behavioural change from a battleground where the fight is constant, and flips it into a passive and proactive activity.
What a strange experience.
But it’s perfectly mirrored with the words Lecturing & Coaching.
In Lecturing I am pushing ideas to you.
- This gives you a felt certainty of “knowing it”, but when challenged in practice it’s still foreign in some way.
- This gives you the experience of the expert, but doesn’t show what would work for you.
In Coaching I am bringing ideas out of you.
- This gives you a feeling of uncertainty and challenge… and when challenged you can deliver
- It lights up your own experience and illuminates how other approaches can add to what you already know.
It marries up the psychology of independence, the nurturing spirit, and the need for growth. It’s that irritating smart-arse who says people are naturally motivated, and only stress reduces it.
…and so back to the title:
- Previously I used rules against an unconstrained backdrop of chaos.
- Now I’m choosing the frame of what I want and letting the artistic dance of life happen within it.