Many years ago, I was a self-improvement junkie. I felt I had to be everything I could possibly be, or nothing. I measured myself against a standard no man could adopt for a day… let alone weeks or months.

I was a crap self-improvement junkie. The reason was, I was trying to be something I am not.

I’m revisiting some older materials, particular Anthony Robbins work, and I’m finding a different understanding from all those older materials.

Now I assume hard work where I felt results would come free. Now I assume I have to put in the work, make the systems and figure out what works for me, where I used to go with what worked for others.

So today, I played an experiment. If states and emotions are like characters in a play… maybe I can choose to be one, rather than let life dictate who takes the stage.

So, sat on a train, I played a game. I asked myself who’s directing the show… and I got the answer.

I don’t recall the specifics, but it somewhere between celebration of enjoying a day, trepidation at knowing I’m still working at the same job, and a mulling acceptance that I’m still at the same job, in the same way, and in the same field.

But then I decided who I wanted to be directing the show, and I chose to be curiously confident. I really enjoyed it… I still am enjoying it. After a minute or so, I noticed only the chest and above felt good… my stomach was a tense knotted mess… so I gradually un-knotted my stomach and allowed that feeling of curious confidence to simply sink down through my stomach and legs. And even hours later, I’m enjoying the subtle, light feeling, it feels rather good.

I wrote this as a note to myself, as a reminder, that we can choose who we are moment to moment. It’s not an OCD task of perfection, but rather choosing to bring the lighter notes to life and growing through them.